48 Tips to a Happy Marriage

I came across a list titled: "48 Tips to a Happy Marriage". I thought
that they are worth mentioning and maybe exploring. I wonder how much
of these are followed by couples in our society and do they find them
relevant and applicable?

Since I am still single; I will comment about each one from my own
perspective and state what I think about it; by that; I am not
dictating or promoting anything, I am just thinking in the form of
writing.

The list goes as follows; if you become bored while going through
them, stop and come back later because I found them very interesting
and I am hoping you will do too:

1. Start each day with a kiss ~ I think this one is not that hard; on
the contrary; it can be healthy and nice.

2. Wear your wedding ring at all times ~ most couples do wear the
ring, however; their reasons might vary, so as long as they think of
it as a sign of their commitment to their spouses, then they are on
the safe side.

3. Date once a week ~ I believe this one is very healthy; maybe not as
often as once a week, let's say every other week or that a date can be
inside your home and that you don't have to go somewhere fancy to have
it, you get the idea, right?

4. Accept differences ~ No one is perfect. However; healthy arguments
are good for the relationship, hence; the most important thing would
be learning how to compromise with one another.

5. Be polite ~ Please, thank you, you are welcome… these are not only
meant for strangers; your own spouse and family should come first and
you must always use these phrases inside your home.

6. Be gentle ~ a person is supposed to be the closest to his/her
spouse, being gentle is crucial to keep them close enough or they will
find that comfort elsewhere.

7. Give gifts ~ nice small gifts are appreciated every once in a while

8. Smile often ~ I would say: Smile Always because it is contagious
and you are more likely to be smiled at when you show your teeth more
often!!

9. Touch ~ intimacy between married people is very important and
touching is a means of communication that reflects closeness,
connection and love; it is your way of keeping the spark alive.

10. Talk about dreams ~ dreams of the future that is; if you don't
share your dreams with your spouse; then who?

11. Select a song that can be "our song" ~ this sounds like a cliché,
but it can be nice, don't you think?

12. Give back rubs ~ this means: be comforting both mentally and
physically and if you don't know how to give back rubs and massages;
it is time to learn!

13. Laugh together ~ laughter is like smiling and as they say: it is
medicine. When you share good laughs together; the fun grows in the
relationship and you grow closer and stronger every day.

14. Send a card for no reason ~ another cliché? Maybe, but everyone
likes to receive a nice "I love you" or "I miss you" notes every once
in a while; it does boost one's ego, doesn't it?

15. Do what the other person wants before he or she asks ~ of course;
you need to know your spouse so well to be able to do this one. I
guess this comes with time as you grow to know each other but seek to
get that knowledge; don't assume that it will come to you!

16. Listen ~ this could be the most important one ever, but note that
you should listen with empathy and not just hear what they are saying;
you should get involved.

17. Encourage ~ positive support and being there for one another is
also very important; seek their support and give them yours and be
generous!

18. Do it his or her way ~ sometimes; you need to do things their way
just to show how much you love them and respect their feelings.

19. Know his or her needs ~ what good is a spouse if he/she does not
know the needs of their significant others? This should be your
primary concern!

20. Compliment twice a day ~ everyone likes to hear something nice as
a compliment; so give them that when it is due. It should not be
literally twice but don't be extreme by not giving at all or giving
too much; just say something nice when you can.

21. Fix the other person's breakfast ~ it doesn't have to be breakfast
in bed though!

22. Call during the day ~ but don't over do it and be obsessed with
calling him/her. Give them their space but also show them that you
think of them by a 2-minutes phone call saying "how are you doing?"

23. Slow down ~ and don't jump to conclusions; always give the benefit
of the doubt and wait to hear them out.

24. Cuddle ~ yes; intimacy is very important and reflects love and
deep feelings.

25. Ask for each others' opinion ~ absolutely; whose opinion would you
seek if not your spouse's? Your decisions will reflect both your lives
and not only your own, so their opinion is important for you to make
the right move.

26. Show respect ~ all the time; whether you are alone or among
others. Showing respect is more important than showing love.

27. Welcome the other person home ~ show enthusiasm when they come
home and greet them; this means that you are happy because they are
home now and that you were waiting for them!

28. Look your best ~ I understand that this is not easy to implement
since we face different situations all day long, however; it does
count that you make the effort to look your best every once in a while
just for their sake and not only because you are going out or
expecting guests, get the point?

29. Wink at each other ~ another cliché? Probably, but it can be any
other gesture like smiling their way across the room or dining table,
or holding their hand for a minute, just anything that appeals to both
of you.

30. Celebrate birthdays in a big way ~ this does not mean a big party;
just show them you care about their personal occasions.

31. Apologize ~ and don't be too stubborn to admit that you made a
mistake, because apologizing can clear things between you and allows
you to move on from the conflict in a healthy manner.

32. Forgive ~ from the heart and not only in words; forgive them and mean it.

33. Set up a romantic getaway ~ this sounds like fun every once in a
while; no harm in that!

34. Ask, "What can I do to make you happier?" ~ in other words;
communicate and keep it going, because one's needs might change along
the way, and what they used to like a couple of years ago might not be
appealing to them now; so make sure you ask them what does make them
happy and do it.

35. Be positive ~ even when it is a negative era of your lives; always
try to show the full half of the cup.

36. Be kind ~ and nice.

37. Be vulnerable ~ let those guards down and show your true colors.

38. Respond quickly to the other person's request ~ show them that you
are doing this because you care for them the most.

39. Talk about your love ~ again; communicate. Always tell them as
well as show them how much you love them and how happy you are because
of having them in your lives.

40. Treat each others' friends and relatives with courtesy ~ even if
you don't like their family and/or friends, you treat them with
respect and courtesy for the sake of your spouse; they deserve that
much.

41. Send flowers every Valentine's Day and anniversary ~ or just for
the sake of it; flowers can say a lot on your behalf.

42. Admit when wrong ~ don't be too arrogant to say it.

43. Be sensitive to each other's sexual desires ~ more importantly;
understand these desires and keep the communication going.

44. Pray for each other daily ~ and do it from the heart.

45. Watch sunsets together ~ just share such moments together; it does
not have to be sunset; it can be anything else.

46. Say "I love you" frequently ~ don't assume that they know you love
them; everyone likes to hear it, so say it!

47. End the day with a hug ~ show closeness and again; intimacy.

48. Seek outside help when needed ~ if you reach a point when you feel
that you cannot solve the problem alone; seek the help of someone you
both trust before giving up, or go for professional help as a last
resort. Never feel ashamed of that; seeking help is a lot better than
giving up and doing your very best to solve your issues. You owe it to
yourself and to them to do that.

FROM youth of China

Taiwan travel

Taipei boasts a wide variety of scrumptious, regional Chinese cuisines
and a few down-home specialties, all of which stem from the island's
history.

Take one part local food tradition, which shares much with
southeastern Chinese fare and favors fresh seafood, especially
oysters. Add a strong dash of Japanese flavor (like wasabi), culled
from 50 years of Japanese colonization that ended in 1945. Then mix in
some of China's finest cooking traditions from Chongqing to Shenyang
(think Sichuan-style gong bao ji ding -- kungpao chicken -- and
northern China-style beef noodle soup) brought here by the
Mandarin-speaking Kuomintang elite when they fled the mainland, along
with their cooks, in the late 1940s. The result: contemporary
Taiwanese food.

For a city with a reputation among some foodies for having some of the
world's best Chinese food, an eating tour of Taipei is highly
appropriate. But it's not for the faint of heart, or small of stomach.

In fact, were you to actually consume all the food and drink on this
itinerary, you'd feel more like a nap than a walk. Consider yourself
warned: Nibble at the suggested stops, don't fill up. And pick and
choose dishes according to your taste, appetite and endurance.

9 A.M. DOUJIANG AND YOUTIAO
For breakfast, start your stroll at the Taipei Fullerton, a boutique
hotel on Fuxing South Road. From the hotel, turn left and cross Fuxing
South Road. Soon, you'll hit a small strip of doujiang (soy milk)
restaurants.

Head for the first one on the corner: Yonghe Doujiang Da Wang (Yonghe
Soy Milk Emperor) at No. 102, next to a fire station. It takes its
name from the suburb, Yonghe, where the original restaurant was
located. Today, Yonghe-style breakfast joints are famous across the
Chinese-speaking world.

The quintessential Yonghe-style breakfast is doujiang and youtiao --
soy milk and fried bread sticks. The soy milk comes cold or hot,
spooned up from big vats near the entrance. If you want a more
substantial breakfast, add the turnip cake with soy-based sauce (luo
buo gao), a pancake-and-egg combo (shao bing jia dan), and crisp cakes
(su bing), lightly baked, hollow thin cakes with sugar, sesame or
peanut paste spread on the inside. You should be able to walk away
with a full stomach for well under US$3.

10 A.M. AN DONG MARKET
From the breakfast place, turn right and continue south down Fuxing
South Road. Take a right on Lane 148, Fuxing South Road (Taipei's side
lanes are named after the roads they branch off).

Check out the betel-nut stand near the corner, and try some if you
dare. This mild intoxicant is a favorite in Taiwan, India and some
parts of Southeast Asia (but not mainland China). Working-class types
here swear by the stuff, and you can tell a betel-nut fan by the
telltale red stains around the mouth.

Across Taiwan, especially outside major cities, 'betel nut beauties'
-- 20-something females in microscopic outfits -- attempt to lure
buyers to their roadside stands. But in Taipei, you're more likely to
find a cranky middle-aged man or smiling granny selling the nuts. If
you try it, bite or clip off the rind of the nut, then chew it like
gum -- don't swallow it and be sure to spit out the juice, otherwise
you're likely to get sick to your stomach. A small bag of nuts costs
$1.50.

Continue walking down Lane 148 until you reach the An Dong market on
your left, at No. 75 Rui An St. Here's your chance to check out a
traditional Taiwanese market. Many are losing business to
supermarkets, but they aren't extinct yet. Check out the butcher and
the fruit stands. You'll also find shops selling 'ghost money,' paper
that's burned for good fortune and to appease the gods or wandering
spirits.

Leave the market and cut across Rui An Street to Lane 180, Rui An
Street. There's an old-fashioned tea shop called Lao Ji Zi on your
right, at No. 5 Lane 180. This is run by the Tseng family, who own tea
fields in Taiwan and on the mainland.

Big metal canisters store their crop: oolong tea picked from Alishan,
gaoshan (high mountain) tea from Nantou County, and some much-prized
puer tea, picked from trees in China's Yunnan province. The half-jin
(500-gram) tins of tea make great gifts; a basic oolong costs $9, a
tin of the gaoshan variety costs about $60. Say hello to Mrs. Tseng,
who runs the shop while her husband tends to the fields in central
Taiwan.

12 P.M. DA AN PARK
Lunch time. As you leave the tea shop, turn right and continue west on
Lane 180, Rui An Street, which turns into Lane 151, Jianguo South
Road.

The restaurant at No. 53 Lane 151 on your right is Mei Xiang La Mian
Wu (open 12 p.m. to 2 p.m. for lunch, and 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. for
dinner). Order the 'clerk's pulled noodles' (xiao er lao mian in
Mandarin), a light Chinese-style lunch. You'll get a pile of noodles
with a generous dollop of minced beef in sauce, garnished with
scallions and cilantro. Mix up the noodles and sauce before eating,
then slurp away. This northern Chinese dish was popularized here by
mainlanders who came in the late 1940s. A big bowl will cost you
$2.20; a small bowl, $1.75.

After lunch, take a long walk through Da An Park. This 26-hectare
patch of green is Taipei's answer to New York City's Central Park. On
weekends, it's packed with rollerblading kids, dog-crazy Taipei
urbanites walking their canines and bicyclists.

You'll enter on the east side of the park across from a public
library. Make your way through to the southwest corner of the park --
you can take the shaded jogging path on your left, which runs along
the edge of the entire park. The exit is across from a Sizzler steak
house.

From the park exit, cross Xinsheng South Road, take a left and follow
the road south. You'll come to the Wistaria Tea House (No. 1, Lane
16). This famous Taipei teahouse has recently re-opened after a long
renovation.

Back in the days of martial law (1949 to 1987), democracy activists
gathered here over pots of oolong tea to strategize. Now, it's an
obligatory stop for local tea-lovers. The shop boasts a wide variety
of Taiwan- and mainland-grown teas, served in a cozy, Japanese
colonial-era setting, with low tables, tatami mats and partitions, as
well as a no-shoe policy in some rooms.

Try the Bai Hao or 'Oriental Beauty' oolong ($9) -- grown with the
help of katydid (an insect related to a grasshopper) saliva. (The tea
tastes better than it sounds.) Or have a sip of some Dong Ding oolong
($8) grown in central Taiwan. Show-offs can shell out $90 for the
'Dragon and Horse Tong Qing Puer,' a 1920s-vintage puer tea.

2:30 P.M. XIAO CHI STANDS
Heading west -- take a right as you exit Wistaria -- you'll hit two of
this area's most popular xiao chi stands, or street-food stalls. Both
usually have long lines, so bring a friend, a book or a lot of
patience. (If you don't want to taste these foods here, there are
clean, well-lighted restaurants later on in the walk.)

First, try the turnip cake at the stand at the corner of Heping East
Road and Wenzhou Street (closed Sundays). One cake costs 75 U.S.
cents. Taipei foodies swear by this stuff, and are willing to wait in
nerve-straining lines to get their fix.

Next, order the pan-fried dumplings in the Shida Night Market -- it's
called a night market, but food is served from the early afternoon
through to the wee hours of the morning. Weave your way over to
Longquan Street, and look for Xu Ji Sheng Jian Bao at No. 24, a food
stall famous for this kind of dumpling. You can try just one for 20
cents, but most people buy five for 90 cents.

Exit the Shida market and backtrack your way north on Longquan Street
-- you'll hit Yongkang Street after a leisurely 20-minute walk. This
street boasts typical Taiwanese xiao chi, but in nicer surroundings
than a typical night market.

Hao Ji Mei Shi Zhuan Mai Dian, on the west side of the street (No. 1,
Lane 10), serves southern Taiwanese xiao chi -- local favorites
include tu tuo yu gen, a hearty soup with chewy, breaded lumps of
fish, and crispy oysters with pepper (in the local Taiwanese dialect,
Minnan, this dish is called oasu; in Mandarin, it's ke zi su). A small
bowl of the soup costs $1.50 and a small dish of oasu runs $3.

Heading north on the same side of Yongkang Street, you'll hit the
restaurant Yongkang Kou (No. 1, Lane 6). Here, if you dare, sample two
of Taiwan's most famous dishes, stinky tofu or chou doufu ($1.30) for
a small serving), which lives up to its name, and oysters in a broth
with vermicelli-like noodles (oamisua in Taiwanese, $1.15 for a small
bowl; $1.60 for a large one).

Now, cross to the other side of Yongkang Street, turn left (north),
and look for Tu Hsiao Yueh (No. 9-1 Yongkang St.).

Here you can sample southern Taiwanese-style minced pork noodles
(danzi mian), either dry or in soup. A small serving costs $1.50. Wash
down your noodles with the island's standby brew, Taiwan Beer ('Taiwan
pijiu' or 'Taipi' for short); one bottle costs $2.65.

5 P.M. DIN TAI FUNG
No culinary tour in Taipei would be complete without a stop at the
restaurant Din Tai Fung for a taste of its Shanghai-style pork-soup
dumplings (xiao long bao), served with sliced ginger and soy sauce.

Guidebooks swear by them; food snobs say they're overrated. Decide for
yourself. One serving costs $5.30 and includes 10 dumplings.

To get there, continue north on Yongkang Street from the stinky-tofu
joint, then hang a right on Xinyi Road. Just a few doors down is the
original location of this now-famous chain restaurant (No. 194 Xinyi
Rd., Section 2). Be warned, though: Hordes of tourist groups mob this
place at peak mealtimes, so be prepared for a wait. Of course, you may
need time to digest the other snacks you've just had.

6 P.M. NATIONAL CHIANG KAI-SHEK MEMORIAL HALL
Finish your tour with a brisk 15-minute walk west down Xinyi Road to
the National Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall. This monument to the dead
autocrat (he ruled Taiwan from 1949 to his death in 1975), which
opened in 1980 in a sprawling 25-hectare plaza, includes a grand
concert hall at the other end of the square. It's best viewed at
night, when it's illuminated by ground lights, and groups of
middle-aged Taiwanese come to line dance to U.S. country-and-western
songs on the plaza.

After a good rest and a break from eating, try Taiwan's famous pearl,
or 'bubble' milk tea -- a shaved ice-and-tea confection served with
tapioca balls and jumbo-size straws. The place to get it is Chun Shui
Tang, the central-Taiwan store that invented it in late 1980s, and
there's a branch in the ground floor of the National Concert Hall on
the north side of the memorial plaza (the shop closes at 8:30 p.m.). A
small glass costs $2.20; a large glass that's big enough for two costs
$4.40.

6:50 P.M. KINMEN KAOLIANG LIQUOR
If you can make it in time, run by the Kinmen Kaoliang Liquor store, a
short walk from the Memorial Hall plaza's southwest corner (No. 3,
Roosevelt Rd., Section 1; open to 7 p.m. weekdays and Saturdays).

Sample the shop's famous Taiwanese sorghum liquor -- a fiery
concoction brewed on Kinmen (also known as Quemoy, a small island in
the Taiwan Strait controlled by Taiwan) -- and take a gift bottle with
you. There's a variety of sizes and strengths -- choose between 28-,
30-, 38- and 58-proof. You can taste a few for free before you decide,
but most people opt for the high-test 58-proof variety ($15.60 for a
750-milliliter bottle).

Assuming you can still fit in a taxi, hop in one here to return to your hotel.

FROM wall street daily

Swimming Head

        Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool 
　　 
　　The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. 
　　 
　　Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. 
　　 
　　He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. 
　　 
　　Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"

from http://www.douban.com/group/topic/4240064/

Love Your Mother

The Childhood Days
　　When you came into the world, she held you in her arms. You thanked
her by wailing1) like a banshee2).
　　When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you. You thanked
her by crying all night long.
　　When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk. You thanked her
by running away when she called.
　　When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You
thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.
　　When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons3). You thanked
her by coloring the dining room table.
　　When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You
thanked her by plopping4) into the nearest pile of mud.
　　When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school. You thanked her
by screaming, "I'M NOT GOING!"
　　When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked
her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor's window.
　　When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream. You thanked
her by dripping it all over your lap.
　　When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked
her by never even bothering to practice.
　　When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to
gymnastics to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by
jumping out of the car and never looking back.
　　When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the
movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
　　When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV
shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
Those Teenage Years
　　When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming5). You
thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
　　When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You
thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
　　When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You
thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
　　When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car. You thanked
her by taking it every chance you could.
　　When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked
her by being on the phone all night.
　　When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You
thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
Growing Old and Gray
　　When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to
campus, carried your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye outside
the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
　　When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone. You
thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."
　　When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future. You
thanked her by saying, "I don't want to be like you."
　　When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation. You
thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.
　　When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.
You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.
　　When you were 24, she met your fiancéand asked about your plans for
the future. You thanked her by glaring and growling, "Muuhh-ther,
please!"
　　When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried
and told you how deeply she loved you. You thanked her by moving
halfway across the country.
　　When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby. You
thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now."
　　When you were 40, she called to remind you of an relative's
birthday. You thanked her by saying you were "really busy right now".
　　When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by talking about the burden parents become to their
children.
　　And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did
came crashing down like thunder. "Rock me baby, rock me all night
long." "The hand who rocks the cradle... may rock the world".
　　Let us take a moment of the time just to pay tribute and show
appreciation to the person called MOM though some may not say it
openly to their mother. There's no substitute for her. Cherish every
single moment. Though at times she may not be the best of friends, may
not agree to our thoughts, she is still your mother!
　　Your mother will be there for you; to listen to your woes6), your
brags7), your frustrations, etc. Ask yourself "Have you put aside
enough time for her, to listen to her 'blues' of working in the
kitchen, her tiredness?"
　　Be tactful, loving and still show her due8) respect, though you may
have a different view from hers. Once gone, only fond memories of the
past and also regrets will be left.
　　Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart. Love her
more than you love yourself. Life is meaningless without her.

I am special

In the entire world there's nobody like me. Since the beginning of
time, there has never been another person like me. Nobody has my
smile. Nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, or my voice.
　　I'm special.

No one can be found who has my handwriting. Nobody anywhere has my
tastes ― for food or music or art. No one sees things just as I do. In
all of time there's been no one who laughs like me, no one who cries
like me. And what makes me laugh and cry will never provoke identical
laughters and tears from anybody else, ever. No one reacts to any
situation just as I would react.
　　I'm special.

I' m the only one in all of creation who has my set of abilities. Oh,
there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things I'm
good at, but no one in the universe can reach the quality of my
combination of talents, ideas, abilities and feelings. Like a room
full of musical instruments, some may excel alone, but none can match
the symphony sound when all are played together. I'm a symphony.
　　Through all of eternity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think or
do like me.
　　I'm special.
I'm rare.

And, in all rarity there is great value. Because of my great rare
value, I need not attempt to imitate others. I will accept ― yes,
indeed, celebrate ― my differences. I'm special.
　　And I'm beginning to realize it's no accident that I'm special. I'm
beginning to see that I have been made for a very special purpose.
There is a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of all
the billions of job applicants, only one is qualified, only one has
the right combination of what it takes. That one is me. Because...I'm
special.

FROM neworiental English

Habits and Goals

"First we make our habits, then our habits make us."- Charles C. Noble

It's such a simple concept, yet it's something we don't always do.
It's not exceedingly difficult to do, and yet I think it's something
that would make a world of difference in anyone's life.

Break your goals into habits, and focus on putting those habits into autopilot.

Last week when I wrote my Ultimate Guide to motivation, there were a
number of questions about my belief that having One Goal to focus on
is much more powerful than having many goals.

There were questions about my personal goals (such as running a
marathon, eliminating debt, and so on) and how I was able to achieve
them while working on different projects, and so forth. How can you
have one goal that takes a long time, and still work on smaller
projects at the same time?

These are excellent questions, and my answer takes a little
explaining: I try to turn my goals into habits, and in doing so, I put
my goals on autopilot. Turning a goal into a habit means really
focusing on it, intensely, for at least a month, to the exclusion of
all else. The more you can focus on it, the more it'll be on
autopilot.

But once you put it on autopilot, once a habit is firmly established,
you don't really have to focus on it much. You'll still do it, but
because it's a habit, you only have to use minimal focus to maintain
that habit. The goal becomes on autopilot, and you can focus on your
next goal or project or habit.

My Marathon Example

Let's look at my marathon goal as an example. I was just starting out
in running, and I had the brilliant idea to run a marathon within a
year. (Btw, that's not the brightest idea — you should run for a
couple years before attempting marathon training, or it'll be much,
much more difficult for you.) So that was my goal, and it was my main
focus for awhile.

But in order to achieve that goal, I broke it down into two habits:

1. I had to make running a daily habit (while following a training
plan I found online).

2. I had to report to people in order to have accountability — I did
this through family, friends and coworkers, through a blog, and
through a column in my local newspaper every two weeks. With this
accountability, there's no way I would stop running.

The daily running habit took about a month to form. I focused on this
exclusively for about a month, and didn't have any other goals,
projects or habits that were my main focuses. I did other work
projects, but they kinda took a backburner to running.

The accountability habit took a couple months, mainly because I didn't
focus on it too much while I was building the running habit. But it
stuck, and for that first year of running, I would report to people I
knew and blog about my running every day (this was in Blogger blog
that has since been deleted), and I would write a column every two
weeks for my local paper.

Once those two habits were firmly entrenched, my marathon goal was
pretty much on autopilot. I could focus on my debt reduction goal (as
an example) without having to worry too much about the marathon. I
still had to do the work, of course, but it didn't require constant
focus.

And eventually, I ran the marathon. I was able to achieve this
because, all year long, I had the daily running habit and daily
accountability habit. I put my marathon goal into autopilot, and that
made it much easier — instead of struggling with it daily for an
entire year, I focused on it for one month (well, actually two) and
was able to accomplish it while focusing on new habits and goals.

The Real Meaning of Peace

There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But there were only two he really liked, and he had to choose between them. One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all.

But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest — in perfect peace.

Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?

"Because," explained the king, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace." 

FROM  China Daily

Work with the "Now"

There are some people who are completely happy with themselves, their lives, and their prospects for the future. While they can be considered to be more fortunate than most, most who do not fall into that category are not as bad off as they tend to believe. Instead, they are simply lacking something, or making mistakes, which are standing in the way of their lives being as fulfilling as they would prefer. Some even go as far as to not realize the immense potential they possess. 

What is the main difference between those lucky individuals whose lives seem to be wonderfully on-track and those who, often despite every step of trying on their part, appear to have all of the odds stacked against them? While in some cases it is a matter of some people having better luck than others, those whose lives are content in the moment and proceeding in the direction of their choice, do not live in the past. 

Whether you are thinking about your personality or your life in general, success means focusing on the here-and-now. While it is important to acknowledge the choices and experiences which resulted in you being where you are today, it is equally important to not allow yourself to become so caught up in thoughts of the past that the present day passes you by. 

Self-motivation is the key to ensuring that you do not continue repeating the same mistakes. You may have had one or more errors in judgment which led you to take the wrong path, or to make mistakes that were not in your best interest. You can acknowledge this without rehashing them over and over again in your mind, and simply be determined to make different, better decisions today. 

Then is over; this is now. The less time and effort you put into looking at the past, the more you will have for living and experiencing this day. You will also find that letting go of the past will give you a deeper sense of strength. Instead of allowing past mistakes and worries to drain your energies, you will have a renewed energy to live your life to the fullest and enjoy it more. 

Being content with yourself and optimistic about your future is not difficult. Whatever is in the past is over; learn from it and move on. When you are self-motivated enough to do this, you will see that moving ahead is the best definition of living life. 

With that said, what can you do now? Sure it is easy for me to tell you to forget the past, yet it is a whole different practice to actually do it. Life is a complex set of events much of which of course is real, yet a large amount is just your view of what really happened. 

Let me explain with an example. I know not everyone is a football fan but I am guessing most have watched at least part of a game on TV. Most plays and almost all the important plays are played over and over on the TV screen right after the play happened. 

How many times have you watched a play and were certain and I mean certain of the outcome, say the player caught a pass, then watching the instant replay you realize you were totally wrong, the player dropped the pass. What you were certain you saw, never happened. 

The first step in trying to minimize the effects of your past in order to concentrate on your future is to find out how much of the past that you are certain happened were just mistakes on your part. 

A quick example might be as a teenager you tried to build a piece of furniture out of scrape wood in your father’s workshop. The piece of furniture looked good when you finished but fell apart before you could show your father and you assumed your were a lousy carpenter and the rest of your life you have avoided building anything. Yet the reality was the scrap wood you used was faulty and not your building ability. 

Yet the rest of your life you have believed mistakenly you are a poor builder of things. 

Enough is as good as a feast

Many people believe that they will be happy once they arrive at some specific goal they set for themselves. However, more often than not, once you arrive " there" you will still feel dissatisfied, and move your " there" vision to yet another point in the future. By always chasing after another "there," you are never really appreciating what you already have right "here." It is important for human beings to keep soberminded about the age-old drive to look beyond the place where you now stand. On one hand, your life is enhanced by your dreams and aspirations. On the other hand, these drives can pull you farther and farther from your enjoyment of your life right now. By learning the lessons of gratitude and abundance, you can bring yourself closer to fulfilling the challenge of living in the present. 

Gratitude 

To be grateful means you are thankful for and appreciative of what you have and where you are on your path right now. Gratitude fills your heart with the joyful feeling and allows you to fully appreciate everything that arises on your path. As you strive to keep your focus on the present moment, you can experience the full wonder of "here." 

There are many ways to cultivate gratitude. Here are just a few suggestions you may wish to try: 

1. Imagine what your life would be like if you lost all that you had. This will most surely remind you of how much you do appreciate it. 

2. Make a list each day of all that you are grateful for, so that you can stay conscious daily of your blessings. Do this especially when you are feeling as though you have nothing to feel grateful for. Or spend a few minutes before you go to sleep giving thanks for all that you have. 

3. Spend time offering assistance to those who are less fortunate than you, so that you may gain perspective. 

However you choose to learn gratitude is irrelevant. What really matters is that you create a space in your consciousness for appreciation for all that you have right now, so that you may live more joyously in your present moment. 

Abundance 

One of the most common human fears is scarcity. Many people are afraid of not having enough of what they need or want, and so they are always striving to get to a point when they would finally have enough. 

Alan and Linda always dreamed of living "the good life." Both from poor working-class families, they married young and set out to fulfill their mutual goal of becoming wealthy. They both worked very hard for years, amassing a small fortune, so they could move from their two-bedroom home to a palatial seven-bedroom home in the most upscale neighborhood. They focused their energies on accumulating all the things they believed signified abundance: membership in the local exclusive country club, luxury cars, designer clothing, and high-class society friends. No matter how much they accumulated, however, it never seemed to be enough. They were unable to erase the deep fear of scarcity both had acquired in childhood. They needed to learn the lesson of abundance. Then the stock market crashed in 1987, and Alan and Linda lost a considerable amount of money. A bizarre but costly lawsuit depleted another huge portion of their savings. One thing led to another, and they found themselves in a financial disaster. Assets needed to be sold, and eventually they lost the country club membership, the cars, and the house. It took several years and much hard work for Alan and Linda to land on their feet, and though they now live a life far from extravagant, they have taken stock of their lives and feel quite blessed. Only now, as they assess what they have left -- a solid, loving marriage, their health, a dependable income, and good friends -- do they realize that true abundance comes not from amassing, but rather from appreciating. 

Scarcity consciousness arises as a result of the "hole-in-the-soul syndrome." This is when we attempt to fill the gaps in our inner lives with things from the outside world. But like puzzle pieces, you can't fit something in where it does not naturally belong. No amount of external objects, affection, love, or attention can ever fill an inner void. We already have enough, so we should revel in our own interior abundance. 

To Be or Not to Be

"To be or not to be." Outside the Bible, these six words are the most famous in all the literature of the world. They were spoken by Hamlet when he was thinking aloud, and they are the most famous words in Shakespeare because Hamlet was speaking not only for himself but also for every thingking man and woman. To be or not to be—to live or not to live; to live richly and abundantly and eagerly, or to live dully and meanly and scarcely. A philosopher once wanted to know whether he was alive or not, which is a good question for everyone to put to himself occasionally. He answered it by saying, "I think,therefore I am."

But the best definition of existence I ever saw was one given by another philosopher who said: " To be is to be in relations." If this is true, then the more relations a living thing has , the more it is alive. To live abundantly means simply to increase the range and intensity of our relations. Unfortunately we are so constituted that we get to love our routine. But apart from our regular occupation how much are we alive? If you are interested only in your regular occupation,you are alive only to that extent. So far as other things are concerned—poetry and prose, music, pictures, sports, unselfish friendships, politics, international affairs.

Contrariwise, it is true that every time you acquire a new interest---even more, a new accomplishment---you increase your power of life. No one who is deeply interested in a large variety of subjects can remain unhappy; the real pessimist is the person who has lost interest.

Bacon said that a man dies as often as he loses a friend. But we gain new life by contacts, new friends. What is supremely true of living objects is no less true of ideas, which are also alive. Where your thoughts are, there will your life be also. If your thoughts are confined only to your bussiness,only to your physical welfare,only to the narrow circle of the town in which you live, then you live in a narrow circumscribed life. But if you are interested in what is  going on in China, then you are living in China; if you're interested in the characters of a good novel, then you are living with those highly interesting people; if you listen intently to fine music, you are away from your immediate surrounding and living in a world of passion and imagination.

To be or not to be---to live intensely and richly, or merely to exist, that depends on ourselves. Let's widen and intensify our relations. While we live, let us live!

 

By William Lyon Phelps

The 50-percent Theory of Life

I believe in the 50-percent theory. Half the time things are better than normal;the other half,they are worse. I believe life is a pendulum swing. It takes time and experience to understand what normal is, and that gives me the perspective to deal with the surprises of the future.

Let’s benchmark the parameters: yes, I will die. I’ve dealt with the deaths of both parents, a best friend, a beloved boss and cherished pets. Some of these deaths have been violent, before my eyes, of slow and agonizing. Bad stuff, and it belongs at the bottom of the scale.

Then there are those high points: romance and marriage to the right person; having a child and doing those Dad things like coaching my son’s baseball team, padding around the creek in the boat while he’s swimming with the dogs,discovering his compassion so deep it manifests even in his kindness to snails, his imagination so vivid he build a spaceship from a scattered pile of legos.

But there is a vast meadow of life in the middle where the bad and the good flip-flop acrobatically. This is what convinces me to believe in the 50-percent theoty.

One spring I planted corn too early in a bottomlands so flood-prone that neighbors laughed. I felt chagrined at the wasted effort. Summer turned brutal the worst heat wave and drought in my lifetime. The air-conditioner died; the well went dry; the marriage ended; the job lost ; the money gone. I was living lyrics from a country tune——music I loathed. Only a surging Kansas City Royals team buoyed my spirits.

Looking back on that horrible summer, I soon understand that all succeeding good things merely offset the bad. Worse than normal wouldn’t last long. I am owed and savor the halcyon times. They reinvigorate me for the next nasty surprise and offer assurance that I can thrive. The 50-percent theory even helps me see hope beyond my Royals’s recent slump, a field of struggling rookies sown so that some year soon we can reap an October harvest.

For that one blistering summer, the ground moisture was just right, planting early allowed pollination before heat withered the tops,and the lack of rain spared the standing corn from floods. That winter my crib overflowed with corn——fat,healthy three-to-a-stalk ears filled with kernels from heel to tip——while my neighbor’s fields yielded only brown, empty husks.

Although plantings past may have fallen below the 50-percent expectation,and they probably will again in the future, I am still sustained by the crop that flourishes during the drought.

 

BY Steve Porter

Work and Pleasure

To be really happy and really safe, one ought to have at least two or three hobbies, and they must all be real. It is no use starting late in life to say : "I will take an interest in this or that." Such an attempt only aggravates the strain of mental effort. A man may acquire great knowledge of topics unconnected with his daily work, and yet hardly get any benefit or relief. It is no use doing what you like; you have got to like what you do. Broadly speaking,human being may be divided into three classes: those who are toiled to death, those who are worried to death, and those who are bored to death. It is no use offering the manual labourer, tired out with a hard week's sweat and effort, the chance of playing a game of football or baseball on Saturday afternoon. It is no use inviting the politician or the professional or business man , who has been working or worrying about serious things for six days, to work or worry about trifling things at the weekend.

It may also be said that rational, industrious, useful human beings are divided into two classes: first, those whose work is work and whose pleasure is pleasure; and secondly, those whose work and pleasure are one. Of these the former are the majority. They have their compensation. The long hours in the office or the factory bring with them as their reward, not only the means of sustenance, but a keen appetite for pleasure even in its simplest and most modest forms. But Fortune's favoured children belong to the second class. Their life is a natural harmony. For them the working hours are never long enough. Each day is a holiday, and ordinary holidays when they come are grudged as enforced interruptions in an absorbing vacation. Yet to both classes the need of an alternative outlook, of a change of atmosphere,of a diversion of effort, is essential. Indeed, it may well be that those whose work is their pleasure are those who most need the means of banishing it at intervals from their minds.

by Winston Churchill

joke:Things Just Fallin' Off

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After
that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went
to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my
car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

Learn To Let Go

With the flow comes the ebb. We have all experienced a friendship that gradually dissolves-one that may have been a part of your life for a long time,but for whatever reason doesn’t fit into it anymore. Less often,these friendships end because of an event,like an insurmountable disagreement. In each case,you make an evaluation of the friendship—either consciously or subconsiously and take steps to make it more comfortably distant in your life.

Accepting the demise of friendship means being realistic about life’s ups and downs. But what of loyalty,you might ask? What of sticking with your friends through thick and thin? Hear this: loyalty is an important,essential trait to being a good friend. However, we feel that taking a solemn oath that a-friend-now-is-a-friend-forever is more restrictive than helpful. People and situations inevitable change in ways that also alter friendships as well. You are entitled to amend your opinion about someone over time, whether or not the person has said or done something to directly affect you,or has simply turned into a person with values different from your own. As your mother might ask , “If your friend jumps off a cliff, do you follow him or her?” A pure loyalist might answer  “yes” . A healthier answer is “no”. Even the best of friends may grow to find that their once-compatible beliefs are no longer in sync. Sometimes that disparity is stronger than any bond of formed earlier in life,and phasing out a friendship on those grounds—something Sally refers to as “spring cleaning” –is okay. In fact, it’s normal and healthy—as sensible as getting rid of something in your closet that doesn’t fit you anymore.

The ebb and flow of friendship is rarely more obvious than when a person from the past comes back into your life. We may seek out these old friends if we’re passing through their city or have circumstantial reason to re-connect; simply curiosity can often fuel the search as well. It is so interesting to find out how someone has changed, or more often than not, stayed the same. It’s miraculous that we sometimes find ourselves in wonderful,adult friendships with people who may have missed several eras of our lives.

The opposite situation can be very unrewarding, if not existentially disappointing, if you aren’t careful to shelter your feelings. Re-connecting with a long lost pal,only to find out that he is no longer the fair, open-minded guy you knew in college,is no fun at all. No matter the turnout, reconnecting with old friends serves many purposes in our own personal self-growth, and can be valued as one of life’s great experiences.

While learning to value the ebb and flow is more a philosophical concept than a hard-and-fast rule,it is key to enjoying all the pleasures of friendship. Without the acceptance that friendships, like life, take twists and turns that aren’t always pleasant, you risk falling into an endless cycle of getting hurt or feeling embittered. Friendship come and go,and that’s entirely okay.

from "the art of friendship" by Roger Horchow and Sally Horchow

附上自译文：

学会放手

潮落会有潮起，我们都经历过友谊的逐渐结束消失——这个可能在很长时间里面会成为我们生活的一部分，但无论出于什么原因不适合它了。很少的时候，这些友谊仅仅因为一些小事而结束，就像一个无法克服的意见不一。在每一次，你自觉地或潜意识地对友谊作出评价，而且采取措施让它在你的生活中处于更舒服的距离。

接受友谊的结束意味着生活浮沉的现实，但也许你会问：什么是忠诚？什么让你坚持和你朋友在一起？请听清楚这个：作为好朋友，忠诚是一个很重要而且必不可少的特征。然而，我们感觉到，抱着一个“现在是朋友就永远是朋友”的神圣誓言对我们只是一种限制而没有任何的帮助。人们和环境无可避免会发生各种各样的变化，友谊也一样。你有权随着时间的过去而改变你对朋友的看法，无论这个人是否说了或做了什么事直接影响到你，或者仅是这个人的价值观跟你不一样了。就好象你母亲可能会问你：如果你的朋友跳进一个悬崖里，你会不会跟着跳？一个纯粹的忠诚主义者会回答“是”，一个更有益更好的回答是“不”。 即使最好的朋友也会随着长大最终发现他们曾经很合拍的信仰不再同步。有时候，相异是更好的纽带，这在生命的早期就已经形成，而在一些场合中逐渐淘汰一些朋友是正常的——就如Sally 提到的“spring cleaning” （春天大扫除）。事实上，那是很平常的，很健康的，就如在你的衣橱里面去掉一些不再适合你的东西一样合理。

友谊的结束和开始不会比一个人从过去回到你的生活中更明显，我们会找到这些老朋友如果我们经过他们的城市或者因为不可知的某些理由而重新联系，或仅仅是好奇心激起我们去寻找。当我们发现一个人发生了多大的变化是如此的有趣，或者往往没有任何变化。有时候发现我们自己跟一个可能已经在我们的生活中消失了好几个世纪的人有一段极好成熟的友谊，那简直是一个奇迹。

如果不想失望，如果你不在乎掩饰你的情感，这种对立的事情是非常不值得去做的。重新跟一个消失很久的朋友联系，只会发现他不再是你在大学里面认识的那个公正而思想开明的家伙，那根本一点乐趣都没有。无论结果是怎样，跟一个老朋友联系在我们的个人成长中起到很好的作用，而且会成为我们生活中的一个宝贵经验。

当学会如何看待潮起潮落，这是一个比务必遵守的规则更有哲学性的概念，它是享受友谊所有快乐的关键。如果没有接受友谊就像生活那样不总是欢乐还会有曲折，你将会陷进一个没完没了的受伤或怨恨循环中的险境。

而友谊的来来去去，是完全正常的。

Find the balance

In a health friendship,the give-and-take of listening is balanced. Day-to-day exchanges are epually about each other's experiences and feelings. When you have a more serious need to talk, your friend will happily take on the listening role, knowing that when she has a problem, you will be all ears. Roger's friend Jacques has an amusing take on this aspect of their relationship:at the beginning of their weekly lunch,he asks, "Do you want to be the baby today? Or do you want to be the father?"

You may not discuss the balance as openly,but you should be aware of it-and avoid letting it tilt too far in one direction. Being a good listener does not mean that all you do is listen;it means that you respond sensitively,and share your own relevant experiences. A relationship in which one person does all the talkingand the other all the listening is a shrink-patient relationship,not a friendship!

from<the art of friendship> by Roger Horchow

Listen before you speak

  A real conversation cannot be one-sided. When talking with a friend, or potential friend, take the time to listen first, and worry later about being heard yourself. Your generositywill be reciprocated.

  The foundation for a meaningful friendship, one that is based on  mutual respect and caring, starts the moment you meet someone. At that point, you are presented not only with that person's words, but also with lots of other information: his or her tone of voice, body language, colloquialisms, and mannerisms. The way you absorb and respond to that wealth of information can make or break the new relationship. If someone senses that you are not making the effort to listen or are not really interested in what he or she is saying, he or she will probably just stop talking to you. But if you make an effort to genuinely hear and understand, you will generate further conversation--and a real connection. Listen up!

 -

In your next conversation, note any tendency on your part to drift away while the other person is speaking, and focus your attention on their words.

=====

from <The art of friendship>, Roger Horchow, Sally Horchow

=====

new words:

generosity

reciprocate

colloquialism

genuinely

tendency

proverb

Humor has been well defined as thinking in fun while feeling in
earnest. (Mark Twain , American novelist )
幽默被人正确地解释为"以诚挚表达感受，寓深思于嬉笑"。(美国小说家 马克*吐温)

The decline of literature indicates the decline of a nation ; the two
keep in their downward tendency.( Johan Wolfgang von Goethe , German
poet )
文学的衰落表明一个民族的衰落。这两者走下坡路的时间是齐头并进的。(德国诗人 歌德 . J . W .)

Activity is the only road to knowledge . (George Bernard Shaw ,
British dramatist)
行动是通往知识的唯一道路。 (英国剧作家 肖伯纳. G.)

A great part to the information I have was acquired by looking up
something and finding something else on the way .(Adams Franklin ,
American humorist )
我的大部分知识都是这样获得的：在寻找某个资料时意外的发现了另外的资料。(美国幽默作家 富兰克林. A.)

Imagination is more important than knowledge .(Albert Einstein ,
American scientist )
想象力比知识更为重要。 (美国科学家 爱因斯坦. A. )

Eternal truths will be neither true nor eternal unless they have fresh
meaning for every new social situation . (Franklin Roosevelt ,
American president )
永恒的真理如果不在新的社会形势下赋予新的意义,要么就不是真理,要么就不是永恒的。 (美国总统罗斯福 . F.)

Histories make men wise ; poems witty; the mathematics subtle; natural
philosophy deep ; moral grave ; logic and rhetoric able to contend
.(Francis Bacon , British philosopher )
历史使人明智；诗词使人灵秀；数学使人周密；哲学使人深刻；伦理使人庄重；逻辑修辞学使人善辨。(英国哲学家培根)

If you don't learn to think when you are young , you may never learn
.(Thomas Edison , American inventor )
如果你年轻时就没有学会思考，那么就永远学不会思考。(美国发明家 爱迪生 . T.)

If you want to understand today , you have to search yesterday .(Pearl
Buck , American female writer )
想要懂得今天，就必须研究昨天。(美国女作家 赛珍珠)

Ordinary people merely think how they shall spend their time ; a man
of talent tries to use it . (Arthur Schopenhauer , German philosopher
)
普通人只想到如何度过时间，有才能的人设法利用时间。(德国哲学家 叔本华. A. )

The time of life is short ; to spend that shortness basely, it would
be too long . (William Shakespeare , British dramatist )
人生苦短，若虚度年华，则短暂的人生就太长了。(英国剧作家 莎士比亚. W.)

Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money ; it lies in the
joy of achievement , in the thrill of creative effort .(Franklin
Roosevelt , American president )
幸福不在于拥有金钱，而在于获得成就时的喜悦以及产生创造力的激情。(美国总统 罗斯福. F.)

To really understand a man we must judge him in misfortune .(Bonaparte
Napoleon , French emperor )
要真正了解一个人，需在不幸中考察他。 (法国皇帝 拿破仑. B .)

All the splendor 1 in the world is not worth a good friend .(Voltaire
, French thinker)
人世间所有的荣华富贵不如一个好朋友。 (法国思想家 伏尔泰)

Sloth , like rust , consumes faster than labor wears .(Benjamin
Franklin , American president)
懒惰像生锈一样，比操劳更能消耗身体。 (美国总统 富兰克林. B.)

If you wish to succeed , you should use persistence as your good
friend , experience as your reference , prudence as your brother and
hope as your sentry. (Thomas Edison , American inventor )
如果你希望成功，当以恒心为良友、以经验为参谋、以谨慎为兄弟、以希望为哨兵。 (美国发明家 爱迪生. T.)

Only those who have the patience to do simple things perfectly ever
acquire the skill to do difficult things easily . (Friedrich Schiller
, German Dramatist and poet).
只有有耐心圆满完成简单工作的人，才能够轻而易举地完成困难的事。(德国剧作家、诗人 席勒. F.)

The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look
for circumstances they want , and if they cannot find them .they make
them. (George Bernard Shaw , British dramatist )
在这个世界上，取得成功的人是那些努力寻找机会的人，如果找不到机会，他们就去创造机会。(英国剧作家肖伯纳. G.)

from http://shiyong.neworiental.org/Default.aspx?TabID=1253&InfoID=100409&SettingModuleID=4866

Change your day-to-day habits

We all have regular routines we follow and ingrained patterns of
behavior . Here are some suggestions for changing your day-to-day
habits to allow for more spontaneous and fun meetings:
Take time rith breakfast instead of rushing.Stop at a different coffee
shop. Instead of sitting hunched over your coffee reading the
newspaper ,make a point of saying hello to one person.
Lunch is the perfect time of day to take a break from your
routine.Pack a lunch and go to a local park to eat it. Enjoy the
noontime sun and be open to connections.
Dinner of cocktail hour is the most popular time to ger together with
friends.Shake up the routine and try a new restaurant or bar .Organize
a cocktail party and invite a new acquaintance.
Although the shortest distance between two points is a straight line
,it can also be the least interesting route.Try a different path or
vary your mode of transportation.
If you might have fallen into the habit of watching television or
reading a book to unwind;instead consider a visit your local bookstore
to browse.or find a comfortable park bench and watch the sunset
instead of TV.
Answering your daily quota of e-mails can be more than simply
routine.Take this opportunity to reconnect by sending a message to a
friend with whom you've lost touch. Even beter,handwrite a card and
send it the old-fashioned way.
If you like to read ,join a book club.
If you're normally a homebody who rents movies, invite some
acquaintances over for a movie night.
The people who live in your neighborhood,condo,or building already
share something in common with you. Introduce yourself :many lasting
friendships have been formed over the backyard fence or in the
apartment building foyer.
Your work brings you in contact with a multitude of people . Instead
of a quick nod, take the time for an introduction that might lead to a
meaningful connection.
Make a plan to meet in person a work colleague you know only through
the phone or e-mail.
Stepping outside your comfortable boundaries might cause an edge of
trepidation or nervousness. Accept the challenge! Wint each new
encounter, the next becomes easier.

------from <the art of friendship> Roger Horchow and Sally Horchow

爱你的一百个理由 in English

   1. 因为爱你 所以爱你

    because i love you，so i love you

    2. 因为你爱我 所以我爱你

    because you love me，so i love you

    3. 因为世界上没有人比我更爱你

    because no one in the world love you more than me

    4. 因为无时无刻想著你

    because i miss you every moment

    5. 因为你的温柔体贴

    because of your gentleness and considerate

    6. 因为你的坦白率真

    because of your frankness

    7. 因为你那可爱的笑容

    because of your lovely smile

    8. 因为你那迷人的眼睛

    because of your charming eyes

    9. 因为你的一举一动都让我著迷

    because your every action make me fascinated

    10. 因为你所散发出来的高贵气质

    because of your noble disposition

    11. 因为抱著你的感觉是这么温暖

    because of the warmth when i hold you in my arms

    12. 因为一个人寂寞的时候只有你陪著我

    because only you accompany me when i am lonely

    13. 因为爱你让我充满自信

    because loving you makes me confident

    14. 因为你的任性

    because of your wilfulness

    15. 因为照顾你是我的责任

    because it is my responsibility to look after you

    16. 因为有些是不必说出来你就能明白

    because of something you can understand without my explaination

    17. 因为只有你最了解我的个性

    because only you know of my personality best

    18. 因为只有你能包容我的一切

    because only you can tolerate everything of mine

    19. 因为没有你我就不知该如何活下去

    because i dont know how to continue my life without you

    20. 因为有你我的生活充满快乐

    because of you , my life is full of happines

    21 因为有你情人节才有花可送

    because of having you ,i can send flowers on Valentine

    22 因为所有的花都不及你漂亮

    because no flower is more beautiful than you

    23 因为我眼中只有你一个

    because i only have you in my heart

    24 因为即使海枯石烂我只爱你一个

    the seas may run dry and the rocks crumble,you are the only person i love

    25 因为喜欢过马路时牵著你的感觉

    because i love the feeling of holding your hands,when we cross the road

    26 因为感谢上天赐予我一个独一无二的你

    because thank the god to bestow unique person-you

    27 因为有你我就满足了

    because i am satisfied with you

    28 因为只有你陪我渡过不如意的时候

    because only you accompany me to pass unhappy days

    29 因为时间一分一秒过去爱你的感觉却与日剧增

    because although time passes by minute and second, the sentiments of loving you grow with each passing days

    30 因为我们俩最谈的来

    because we two get along well with each other

    31 因为你让我有保护你的念头

    because you make me have the thought of protecting you

    32 因为初见你的感觉是前所未有的

    because the feeling of seeing you for the first time never existed before

    33 因为你是我的梦中情人

    because you are the lover in my dream

    34 因为一见锺情在我的内心燃烧著

    because the feeling of falling in love at the first sight burns in my heart

    35 因为我是你倾吐心事的对象

    because you are the only person who listens to my mind

    36 因为你让我非常放心

    because you set my mind at ease

    37 因为有你让我对明天充满期待

    because i am full of expection for tomorrow with you

    38 因为我已不再对任何人动心

    because you make me never open my heart to others

    39 因为爱你是最温柔的不自由

    i love you because to me you are a gentle but "no freedom"

    40 因为我俩一起看天看海看日落日出

    because we enjoy the sky, the sea and the sunrise, the sunset together

   41 因为沙滩印著我俩的足迹

    because there are our footprints in the sand beach

    42 因为只有你肯陪我看恐怖片

    because only you like to accompany me to watch horrible movies

    43 因为你曾为感人剧情而哭的淅沥哗啦的

    because you were ever moved to tears by the play

    44 因为我们侧夜长谈分享彼此

    because we talk all night and enjoy each other

    45 因为我们是天生一对

    because we were born of a couple

    46 因为爱过你就好

    because it is fine of experiencing love you

    47 因为只愿等你一个人

    because I only want to wait for you

    48 因为有你我看到美好的未来

    because you make me see the beautiful future

    49 因为有你我看到了其他人羡慕的眼光

    because of having you ,i see the envious sights of others

    50 因为你让我体验了爱情的伟大

    because i experience the great love with you

    51 因为你的善良

    because of your kind heart

    52 因为有我就有你

    because where there is me ,there is you

    53 因为你让我感到身为一个男人的骄傲

    because of you ,i am proud of being a man

    54 因为任何事与爱你抵触者无效

    because nothing will happen,if it is contradict with loving you

    55 因为除了我再也找不到另一个与你相配的男人

    because except me you can't find another perfect match

    56 因为我们俩曾互许终身

    because we ever promised to be life-long companions

    57 因为我们要做七世情人

    because we plan to be lovers of generations

    58 因为我要带你环游世界

    because i will show you around the world

    59 因为我要让每个地方都留下我俩的回忆

    because i want every place to have our two person's memory

    60 因为我要继续写爱你的理由

    because i will continue to write the reasons of loving you

    61 因为我不能放弃爱你的念头

    because i cant give up the ideas of loving you

    62 因为我恨没有早一些认识你

    because i regret not knowing you earlier

    63 因为你让我追的好辛苦

    because it is hard to chase you

    64 因为我要打败其他条件比我好的人

    because i want to defeat all the others of better conditions than me

    65 因为你选择了我

    because you choose me

    66 因为我发誓要好好照顾你

    because i promised to take good care of you

    67 因为我了解你对我的心

    because you know of my heart

    68 因为你喜欢放风筝

    because you love flying kites

    69 因为你的打扮很有个性

    because your make-up has a stong character

    70 因为我有占有你的私心

    because i have the selfish idea of owning you

    71 因为你喜欢打排球

    because you like playing volleyball

    72 因为你喜欢唱歌

    because you like singing songs

    73 因为你的生日快到了

    because your birthday is coming

    74 因为你喜欢看书

    because you like reading books

    75 因为你的开朗

    because of your sanguine disposition

    76 因为我们分隔两地却两心相系

    because we miss each others even if we live in differet places

    77 因为身边有你的欢笑

    because of your cheerful smile around me

    78 因为你喜欢贝壳

    because you love seashells

    79 因为一颗心只能爱你一个

    because one heart can only love you one

    80 因为没有人痴的像我

    because no one is infatuated like me

    81 因为你的心将我淹没了

    because i am addicted in your love

    82 因为有你我就不孤单

    because of you ,i am not lonely any more

    83 因为上辈子我们在一起

    because last generation we were lovers

    84 因为爱你是我甜蜜的负担

    because loving you is my sweet burden

    85 因为你我拒绝了其他的仰慕者

    because we two reject others

    86 因为我的朋友都叫我要好好的把握

    because my friends ask me to hold it well

    87 因为不爱你实在太过分了

    because not loving you is excessive

    88 因为不爱你实在太对不起自己了

    because i feel sorry for myself,if i don't love you

    89 因为不爱你我的朋友会打我

    because my friends will beat me ,if i don't love you

    90 因为我的目标只有一个...爱你

    because i only have one aim-love you

    91 因为说了那么多爱你的理由我不得不爱你

    because i have said so many reasons of loving you,i have to love you

    92 因为我渴望101次求婚的结局

    because i am eager to the result of the 101 proposal

    93 因为我期待每一个明天的到来

    because i expect the coming of every tomorrow

    94 因为我喜欢等你电话的感觉

    because i love the feeling of waiting for your telephones

    95 因为我有千千万万的理由爱你

    because i have thousands of reasons for loving you

    96 因为我只选择最爱你的一百个理由

    because i only choose these one hundred reasons to show my best love to you

    97 因为我特地在情人节这一天对你表白

    because i chose specially to assert my love to you on Valentine's Day

    98 因为我已经写的很累了

    because i feel very tired when i write here

    99 因为我要向世界大声说

    because i want to announce to the world loudly

    100 因为我爱你!!!

    because i love you!!

Joke:NO SEX TONIGHT!

　　I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
　　much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
　　never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
　　
　　FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
　　bed.
　　
　　Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
　　like it, I just want you to hold me."
　　
　　I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
　　
　　So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
　　"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
　　to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
　　by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
　　the bedroom?"
　　
　　Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
　　
　　The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
　　her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
　　unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
　　several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
　　take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
　　compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
　　went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
　　earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
　　one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
　　she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
　　tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
　　She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
　　Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
　　dear, let's go to the cashier."
　　
　　I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
　　like it."
　　
　　Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
　　WHAT?"
　　
　　I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
　　just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
　　your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
　　was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
　　not for the things I buy you?"
　　
　　Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.